Aspire...

Another year has come and gone and so it is that we change the calendar, make promises to ourselves, believe in superstions and look towards tomorrow a little more hopeful than yesterday because we want to believe that what lies ahead is better than what has already past.  Perhaps it will be and perhaps we still have a few lessons we need to learn in this ever changing life of ours, but one thing is for certain - this year will be different.

Regardless of the economy or the political change that is in the works, these things will always afford us a different perspective on the new year, but for me making a change and seeking a year that is different than the last is part of climbing to get to the next view.  Part of how I do this is to participate in a one word, overarching theme to my year.  It sets the tone and allows me to channel my energies into various directions, but with a singular goal in mind.

My word this year is: ASPIRE.

I find myself haunted by a certain phrase in life that keeps creeping up in the most unexpected places "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  Perhaps this is not a bad problem to be haunted by, but I think what bothers me the most about this is that I truely do not have an answer...I have not found a "label" that I want to be identified as and so I search and seek and enjoy the possibilities that tomorrow I can be something different.  Eventually though, I stop to look back and wonder, what did I do with my life?  What did I accomplish?  What did I leave behind? Pass on to my children?  Did I touch any lives or do anything to make tomorrow better for mankind?

So for me, this year will be about aspiration - the aspiration to be something better than I am today.  To leave something behind for others and know that in my small way, I made a difference.

This year will be different!

Year in Review...Believe

Once again, it has been quiet around these pages.  This is not for lack of things to say, but rather my hesitation in saying anything at all.  A lot has transpired over the course of the last 12 months and while change is not always "easy" it is always necessary if we want to continue to grow.

I started this year like I do any other year - a shiny, hopeful outlook.  There is something magical about the date on the calendar that says January 1 that makes me feel as if the possibilities are endless that lay ahead.  A few years ago, I stopped writing resolutions and instead starting choosing a one word theme of what I would like to work on.  There are many things that I would like to work on to improve myself and sometimes it is hard to pick ONE, but the one I choose is what I would most like to work on/get better at/achieve.

Last year, my word was Believe.   Funny thing (looking back now) I didn't know how big of a part this word would actually play role in my future decisions.  Hind sight being 20/20, here are a few of the things I learned...

• Led a team of professionals (inexperienced in our business) and continued operations as normal

 I learned to believe in my own abilities as a professional.  Having knowledge and being able to do a job can be easy if you don't have to think about it, or even be responsible for it, but when it either will succeed or won't because of your actions, it takes on a completely different meaning.

• Stepped out of my comfort zone and changed career focus

I learned to believe in myself and to accept change for the necessity that it is.  There are forces at work bigger than we are and we are not always given the insight or ability to understand them when facing challenges.

• Packed my home and my family and moved...far far away. 

 I learned "When people show you who they are, believe them."  People are complex beings in words, but actions are so profound and sometimes you just have to open your eyes to be amazed.

 This year, I took a leap of faith because I wanted different results.  It has not been easy and there are days I have cursed the word "change," but I have grown and I know I am a better person.  I have learned about myself things I never saw before and I have learned about others, things I never wanted or expected to see.  I have hurt, I have cried and I have laughed and felt my soul soar on the wings of tomorrow.

As this year comes to a close, I know my journey is far from over - I can feel it in my bones, but rather just beginning.  I am looking forward with eye's wide open to what the future holds and wishing you each a bright and better tomorrow.

Believe

There is something to be said about writing when the emotions are real and raw and have yet to be dulled by time.  In the business world, those emotions can get you into trouble and more and more companies are trying to monitor social networks or create policies to prohibit usage of social network sites because people are letting their emotions run wild.  Personally, I've always had the motto of "Don't put it in print, if you wouldn't say it to a persons face" and that has always served me well.

Yes, there have been moments that I have had to take a step back, count to ten and sleep on it before I ever opened my mouth....but sometimes there are the moments when something happens and in the process of sorting through it, figuring it out, accepting whatever it is...the honesty in those emotions are humbling.

Today was one of those days for me.  Change - chaos - sudden and unexpected, meant to throw the tilt-a-whirl off balance once again, wondering if I should stand up or just sit here a little longer.  An opportunity to try something new, different and a place to grow.  That is exciting.  I have ranted and stomped my feet, I've thrown a fit, I've shouted at the world in frustration because I felt invisible and I felt like there was no progress being made.  I've made baby steps and those felt like every ounce of aggrevation were worth it when you see a project start to come together or you see a lightbulb light up with understanding.  I held on to those moments because that was all I had, until today.

Today, I was offered an opportunity to step outside my comfort zone, to see a different view and learn...I was chosen for a part I didn't even know I was auditioning for.  It is an incredible feeling to know someone noticed me and those who see me everyday, who know I exist, those people now sit and worry I will be no more....I hate the later feeling.  I am thrilled by the prospect of something new and yet frightened by the fact that I could fail miserably and be deemed a fraud by my previous successes.  As much as I am humbled by the confidence they believe me to have....there is a loyalty to the current group that I feel obligated to support.

No one can make this decision for me and there will always be pros and cons to any choice.  Perhaps it is time to put my 2012 word to the test and BELIEVE in myself.