Wanting to be Needed

Most of the time around here I talk about communication - talking about what we want, saying what we need, telling others that they matter, praising someone for their actions, but I fail to ever mention (and maybe because I tend to forget it exists) the many unspoken aspects of life that are just as important in a balanced work/life relationship.

The last few months have been a bit quiet around here because I agreed to move my home and my family 1000 miles away.  It was a rather quick decision without much preplanning, but when an opportunity arises, I believe we either seize the day or let it pass us by, but that is a story for a different day.  As I just mentioned, this move was unplanned and ill prepared for, but we decided to go and thus began the process of getting ready, which is very hard to do when one person leaves months ahead of the rest of the family. 

I have always prided myself on being self sufficent.  I can do many things and those which I know I cannot, well, I can hire assistance.  I am not so blind as to think I can do it ALL however, I am an idiot enough to think I can do most of it by myself.  Sadly, I cannot and I needed more help than I ever realized ... in the end I think I learned as much about me in this process as I did about normal human nature.

I give a lot, I also ask a lot in return.  I have high expectations and a determined personality.  I like to be needed by other people, I like to be wanted for a skill that I can provide and I like to support those around me as they attempt to reach their goals & dreams.  I like to give praise for a "job well done," and I like to show my appreciation for others.  I don't like big, showy, "spot light" presentations, lots of fan fare or excess attention drawn to myself, an acknowledgement is enough for me.   But in my need for 'being needed' I lost sight of the fact that other people like and want to be needed too. 

During this move, I had friends who've I've known many years - those which I've dropped things in a moments notice to help - cowar behind "other obligations" and become recluse.  The people I thought I could count on without a doubt were no where to be found in my times of need.  Then there were people who I've known only a short time who came out of the wood work to help me when I they noticed I was stressed and didn't have to say "I need help."  What is important, is that I DID need their help, I was failing under the tremendous pressure of doing it alone but didn't feel like I could ask these people for help because the ones I did ask for help had turned me down.  These people who helped, saw a need and answered my unspoken request.  They kept tabs on me and they supported me from start to finish...anytime things would get to tough they were there to make sure I had whatever support  I needed to get to the next step.  Without them, this move wouldn't have been possible.

The view from here is: Sunny with a chance of Optimism

Motivation

I've struggled a lot lately with the idea of "loving" what you do, of "living" for what you do.  For me, my work is both, I love what I do and what I do drives me to push farther every day.  My work is my passion...seeing something grow, change, morph - become better than it was before is what I live for.

I will admit that there have been certain times in my career where I have felt less than appreciated and there are moments when I am faced with the harsh reality that I am as replacable as the next person.  This is only a J.O.B after all, but doing what I do makes me satisified overall.  Perhaps that is why I've struggled with the idea that the people I work with do not enjoy their jobs in quite the same way. 

Don't mistake my previous statement - I don't think everyone has to be thrilled all the time, however there attituded are almost apathetic in nature.  They are here - 5 days a week collecting a paycheck.  What we do and the quality of service that we do our job is of little concern to them and that bothers me.  So how do I change that?  Well for starters, I cannot do it alone...

A review of the research literature by James R. Lindner at Ohio State University concluded that employee motivation was driven more by factors such as interesting work than financial compensation. John Baldoni, author of Great Motivation Secrets of Great Leaders, concluded that motivation comes from wanting to do something of one's own free will, and that motivation is simply leadership behavior--wanting to do what is right for people and the organization

If I stop and look around at the climate I am currently in then I will notice these are sorely lacking in the work environment today.  I think the biggest factor is that there is no leadership example to follow, in fact they are about as transparent as you can get.   Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind, says that true motivation boils down to three elements: Autonomy, the desire to direct our own lives; mastery, the desire to continually improve at something that matters to us, and purpose, the desire to do things in service of something larger than ourselves.

So what does all this tell us....motivation is a complex thing (as if we didn't already know that) that requires more than gobs of money.  For me and my situation today - perhaps it is time to have a little chat with the boys and put them in the drivers seat towards their own motivation.

Follow your desire

How can you know where you're going if you don't know where you've been?

When looking for a new job or attempting to justify the raise you believe you deserve or simply doing an annual performance review, there are certain things that must happen in order to make these things successful.  I'm referring to the fact that with any of the items above, documentation of what you have been doing is needed.  

Sometimes that is the easy part, sometimes its the hard part.  In any job that we do, certain expectations are placed on us - we will complete certain tasks and we will get paid to do a job for 40 hours a week.  We will be rated on our performance and we will compete with our peers for raises, promotions and bonuses.  How well we do in our positions is completely up to us.  If we follow only the black and white and nothing beyond that, then we meet minimum requirements.  If we color outside the lines in how we approach our job, we risk doing the wrong things.  The beauty in coloring outside the lines is that sometimes it is purely magical and we create more than our bosses could have ever imagined.

So where am I going with all this....I'd like to say a job should be fun - it shouldn't be "work."  Reality is, in many cases, it is just WORK...just where we go for 8 hours a day and there is no passion for what we do.  I've heard many people talk about their job in such a disgruntled way.  They are in a rut.  They want more money.  They have too much to do.  They feel under appreciated.  I could go on, but in the end it comes down to what do THEY want out of it?  Do they even know?

Some people can tell you exactly what they want, but most cannot, which is the reason why they are unhappy.  One thing I've learned throughout  my journey is that without knowing what you want, you will always have unfulfilled desires.  It's easy to get stuck in ruts when this is you...I know, its been me too.  I do a little of this and maybe a little of that and think I'll just hang out *here* until I figure out what I want to do when I'm really not happy being *here.*  

So how do we fix this?  Well it isn't hard, but that doesn't mean it is a quick fix either.  Find out what you want and make a plan to get there.  Start with what you want, add in the skills requird to do what you want, then look at the training to make yourself competitive.  Sometimes we already possess the skills and we just need a refresher.  Sometimes we don't know the answer to any of the questions above except what we want to do and in those instances, we can talk to people who do what we want to do and have them provide insight, perhaps even mentorship.

I recently heard a quote in a movie that I have found inspiring...

"What would you do today, if you knew you wouldn't fail?  ...........  Now go out and do it."

~K

Before it is Too Late...

In a recent conversation, it was stated that good Project Managers are aware, actively engaged and are forward thinking in the projects they are involved with.  The "not so good" project managers tend to subscribe to the 'auto-magic' school of thought where projects run themselves and they fail or pass completion on the efforts of others.

Shortly after this statement I found myself in a conversation  prompted by the "What's and How's and Who's" that come when communication is missing.  A project, a task or even simple teamwork is only as good as the communication that it is built on.  Talking is not the same as communicating.

Examples of negative impact are easy to find, a project falls apart, a task fails to be completed, a team does not trust one another.  Communication, however works both ways and sometimes its the lack of acknowledgement that can lead to as much destruction as anything else.  Sadly, I've watched the lack of outward acknowledgement break apart teams that worked exceptionally well together and the things that should have been said while they were there only were spoken in their absence.  

Communication is hard, but it is key to what we do and it will make or break the job at hand.

The View...

...From here is a little bit different than the one yesterday and probably still not quite what it will be tomorrow.  That's the thing about "your view" - it is seen through your eyes and colored by your perceptions.  In business, just as in life, the longer we do something the better at it we become because we gain knowledge.  We learn to expect the unexpected and prepare for the unpredictable.  We expand our mind, our beliefs, our perceptions and in turn, our view changes.

I talk about business on here...specifically, my business and how I relate to it, but reality is that this is just my life....my view of life from where I'm at today.  I've been many places and I've been fortunate enough to see many aspects of business.  I've had good mentors and I've had bad mentors...all of which have brought me to this point right now.  The view from here is kind of hazy.  I have limited visibility and even though I know it won't stay like this for long, I am at a critical point in my journey that leads me to wonder if it is time for a change.

Yes, when I started this space I was going through a change that had my mind, heart and soul in knots.  I didn't know if what I was doing was right or wrong, should I trust or should I question. I simply just.did.not.know.  Today though, I don't worry about those things...I am just ready for what lies ahead and I feel content with the excitement that I don't know what is over the next horizon should I choose to head down the path less traveled.  The knots in my stomach these days come from what I can see and from what I believe lies ahead in the path I am currently traveling.

I believe it is time for a change...I believe I am ready and I am believing in myself, my instinct, my heart and my soul...that what comes next is only the beginning of the great things yet to come.  Where it will lead - I do not know.  All I know is that *this* is the window to my room with a view.

L is for Language

Language....do know what it means?
One definition suggests:

any set or system of such symbols as used in a more or less uniform fashion by a number of people, who are thus enabled to communicate intelligibly with one another

Which according to the above would lead us to believe LANGUAGE is a form of COMMUNICATION.  So what is communication?

the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs. 

So if I understand the definitions correctly, language enables communication which is what allows us the ability to share or pass along ideas.

As a baby we are born with no language skills and limited forms of communication, we grow into children and are taught how to express our needs/wants through verbal  requests which are rather direct and straightforward.  As we progress into young adulthood we learn the technique of manipulation, the art of  "speaking without being direct."  As adults, we refine this ability and hone our skills into an instrument with which we use at our discretion.  In the business world - this skill can make or break you.

I want to preface the following paragraphs by saying that I am NOT insinuating the business world is comprised of liars, manipulators or people set out to mislead you.  I am simply pointing out that we all know a "silver tongued devil" or two and even though we don't like to admit it, we have used our knowledge of this ability to our advantage at least once in our life.  The thing I find most fascinating in what I do each day is just how much language actually impacts the outcome.

See, in my world words are everything.  One word can have different terminology depending on what is being discussed - which is true of many languages.  A simple term like "customer" could mean a person I provide support to who simply has no impact on the information they are requesting, it could be a person I provide support to who is changing information for their customer (sometimes referred to as end user). it could be a developer or a manager who needs information based on the end result of a process.  The point I am making is that not only is a "customer" someone I support, but specifically a customer is a person who requires a different "type" of support with very different results, even if they asked the exact same question.

*This room* offers me the ability to observe  various levels of communication and I am often amazed at the inability to completely understand each other when so many words are being used to convey the same meaning.  Business processes that are affected by the use of ambiguous terms that look good on paper, but have very little impact or meaning to the person who is actually attempting to follow that process.  It reminds me a lot of a legal document - where they use 15 words to say something that could have been written in 5 and requires a degree to understand the meaning of the 15 word sentence.

I am not complaining - I LOVE to talk...I am merely making an observation on what I see today.  It reminds me of watching a play, I wonder what satirical retort will come in the next act....?

Hope SPRINGS Etermal

“It's spring fever.... You don't quite know what it is you DO want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!” Mark Twain

A beautiful Saturday morning with the sun breaking just across the horizon and I sit here ready to face the day.  Its an odd change for me, so many mornings this past week have found me restless and tired, struggling to move with the work day chimes "time to get up."  So much has been going on, so much as been in motion for so long that I'm not sure I can remember life outside of this carousel ride.  There are so many things that I have wanted to write over the past few days, weeks but when I sit down my brain is not ready yet, today, it is very much ready, able and willing ...

The last I wrote I was faced with a new opportunity in the journey of my career.  Fear of the unknown, fear of failure and fear of leaving my comfort zone plagued me daily, but the little seed of hope found a little water and a little sunshine and broke through all the dirt trying to hide it.  Like the little flowers that I nurture each day, slowly sprouting forth, opening their leaves searching for their moment in the sun...so am I.

I am a loyalist by heart, but I do not do well when I have been screwed back stabbed belittled embarrassed wronged.  Yes, I am that person who understands the political games in the corporate environment and can 'play nice with others,' but will never forget (and rarely trust) a persons motives after that point.  The biggest hurdle for me recently (despite what fears I mentioned earlier) was leaving the TEAM I have called mine for the last few years.  There is something about thinking what I am leaving behind will struggle that had me making commitments to help them this week and last.

I have juggled, struggled and walked a tight rope between then and now with my efforts only half focused on whats in front of me instead of what is behind me.  I would like to say I succeeded, but the reality is I just SURVIVED...barely.  By the time it was over tempers had flared and demands were made that I said I would complete. Now....I am done and fully able to turn my attention to the SPRING that is all around me.  Not just outdoors, where I sit and wonder when the green began covering all the branches outside my window, but also inside me where I can embrace all the beauty that comes from traveling a new path.

It won't always be sunny and there will be pot holes in the road, but when we open our eyes and our hearts to the world around us, embrace the opportunities for all they are, we grow as people.  What better time to grow then right now...spring!